|i wish i may i wish i might
||[Aug. 16th, 2005|12:41 am]
once, not so long ago, i remember being a lot sweeter, kinder, prettier-inside, more carefree than i am today. whilst i've tried my damnedest not to be, i think i have become somewhat cynical, embittered by experience, lost in a big world, scarred and scared. all that punctuated by bursts of a lack of inhibition (not the same as carefree methinks) and some kind of sad happiness. but. but. i strive to be that girl again, wide-eyed and innocent, in love with everything and everyone, and unstoppable. with the benefit of the wisdom i have gained in this 32 year old life, of course. |
now, now the war's over, i have the liberty to be whatever i want to be. whomever i want to be. i have the liberty to be the me that i desire, the me that i truly am. what i am, who can really know that (as kip dynamite says)...there are so many things that shape us. the obvious and unchangeable are our genetics and our experiences. these we have no control of. so too our desires. we can't really control them (and nor should they be harnessed) but i guess acknowledging them is a start to knowing thyself.
so, i wish for myself (upon the first star i see tonight) amongst many other things:: an ability to embrace abundant happiness; an almost (but not quite) overwhelming enthusiasm and energy for life, love and friendships; undying passion and commitment for my life's work/s, and patient tolerance for what simply must be done. i wish for myself the wisdom to know the best path for me, and an unwavering compassion and understanding for all. and most of all, the courage, resolution and determination to be whatever whoever wherever however i wanna be.
there is an angel in my midst. she is everything i remember myself to have been plus more. she has reminded me of myself. funny.