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fresh [Apr. 8th, 2006|10:52 am]
what a glorious day! finally, autumn weather. have been spending time in the sunshine (think i've overdosed, feel quite floaty now) concocting crazy schemes with my camera. assignments to do ya ya, but it's not yet noon so not concerned. yet. i'm enjoying listening to 'rage on a saturday morning' for once, and thursday's so long away. i'm wondering how my sweet (sw-Eeeech-t) loidies are, it's been so long, i crave the pleasure of their company. soon i guess, arseignments will be done. the light's been perfect for some photos i needed to take, been getting quite excited about the results. such a great feeling when it all comes together. now, to keep the momentum...


have to laugh, i've so much schoolwork to do in so little time, yet i just found time to scrub the shower.
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hazy blue skies [Feb. 3rd, 2006|03:17 pm]
these are days of buena vista social club and vodka lime and sodas, sudden rushes of love, water cascades down icecube trays. thinking about loss, thinking about tomorrow. crying at airports crowd surfing at rics. drinking too much, smoking more. swollen feet perspiration beads cool river breezes.

renewing. rejuvenating. drinking the "life balance". breathing deeply. sighing.

dreaming of wide hallways my grandfather convalescing. sore nipples bikini waxes. aquarian birthdays, my birthday, mum's deathday. torrential rain.

leaches. contact highs. thunder storms. coco rosie. coco rosie.

my dreams are strange. maybe i sleep too much, or too little. i gaze out over blue ripples on brown water. this is the life. this is a hard life. this is an exhilerating life. sometimes i weep at the sadness of it all. sometimes i melt with ecstacy. sometimes, i just get comfortably numb. i'm dreaming of tropical seas and twins on the way. ah the happiness of that. new life. the ocean blue.

and i wonder how to deal with what's in the too hard basket.
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millions of tiny seahorses [Jan. 20th, 2006|01:20 pm]
imagine you're weightless,

in the ocean

surrounded by millions of tiny seahorses

coco rosie fills my ears and electrifies my soul, so beautiful.
it's been the perfect day for reflecting...rainy and full of memories. and watching napoleon dynamite. today i want to stretch my soul and paint a picture of all things beautiful on it. i feel delicate today. although, not fragile. i miss my mum. i feel sad realising that i've become used to her not being around anymore. and sad, somehow, that my grief has all but passed. somehow all that darkness and despair can be comfort in itself. but it's passed, i no longer need it, a new chapter begins. for the first time in a long time i feel a kind of lightness of being again. i no longer have the burden of a heart too heavy to bear. at last.
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silly season [Dec. 1st, 2005|11:45 pm]
nervously excited. i'm doing my first paid gig tomorrow night. apart from getting some kind of acknowledgement through reward, it's also kinda special in a way, because i've been snapping happily away at pretty much every firm christmas party i've been to. which reminds me, to anybody who is keenly awaiting the FREEDOM pix, i'm so sorry, they are on their way. just not quite sure where they are at the moment given all this renovation chaos...it's total madness...but hopefully will become less so in the next couple of days. anyway, i'm pretty excited about doing this party. it's really the kind of photography that made me want to do it for a profession. and it gets me out there into some form of arena. wonder though if i should have mentioned it to my immediate boss.

i love werk is not too bad at the moment, doesn't mix well with alcohol though! and my first five day week in a while....ugh. tres difficile! luckily the "islands of the world" firm christmas party has created some distraction. it's been much fun shopping and brainstorming ideas for our take on the theme - thanks to a little inspiration from mama champanski - ibiza ravers. we were thinking of handing out vitamin c's in little plastic baggies, but i'm starting to question the wisdom of that. maybe we should make them vitamin b :p

renzo and i saw what looked like a cross between a rat and a possum tonight. it was quite cute actually. it skittled up onto the roof and we haven't seen it again. hope it doesn't decide to invite itself inside! and hope renzo doesn't make a tasty meal of it! found a gheko skeleton on the floor inside the other day, amongst other things. he must have swallowed it whole. yummy. am now foreseeing myself rescuing the stupid things.
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recent adventures [Nov. 7th, 2005|09:52 pm]
what a whirlwind of a year this year has been! i feel i have to comment, i think i have had one of the most enriched years of my life. it's been a crazy existence for some time, unbelievably so, but i'm feeling more alive now than i've felt for many a moon, if not evah. i've been exploring, exploring these past couple of months, rhi and matt's space has been amazing for it. many nights ending with sunrise, and finding renzo already long-dreaming, not the best for a nine to five existence...
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useless information no. 1 [Oct. 2nd, 2005|06:42 am]
did you know that until 1903 coca cola contained small amounts of cocaine? (although caffeine was and is its most active ingredient.) apparently you could actually purchase hypodermic syringes to inject it intraveneously. it was nicknamed 'dope' and the sign to ask for a bottle of coke was to stick an invisible hypodermic needle in your arm. apparently that still is the sign, but i've never seen it done. maybe it's only in america. in'resting huh? i think the guy who invented it and marketed it (although not sure if he did both, was only half-listening to a radio program on this...) was a heroin addict and coke was something he was told could help get you off heroin. he (i think it was the same guy) also said he could be selling "horse-piss" and people would still buy it.
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in beautiful company and surrounds [Sep. 14th, 2005|05:33 pm]
this is where i suck. i sit down to write an entry and then get lost in a world that never gets written down. but nevermind.... i am completely enjoying myself in my beautiful friends' house while they're seeing the world. sweet kindred saucy renzo has been wonderful company, and i hope i have to him. spending some time in, for now, my own space, and in my own company has been truly renewing. those creative embers within are being fanned into life, they were suffocating but now they burn. at last. i may have been silent but i am buzzing within. why this place is so attractive to shadow and, i now discover, the ginger kitty, i am yet to determine....puzzled for now. maybe renzo is irresistible. maybe they like it because it's just plain nice.

bon voyage my beautiful zennie! i am so happy for you! may you soar my lovely!

hope you both are having a dandy fine time rhi and matty! i got your message rhi, everything's going really well. will call soon. xx
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(no subject) [Sep. 3rd, 2005|01:52 am]
It constantly amazes me how things work out.
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sparkle [Aug. 20th, 2005|12:43 pm]
[music |goldfrapp ooh la la]

me and my stallion, we shimmy

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i wish i may i wish i might [Aug. 16th, 2005|12:41 am]
once, not so long ago, i remember being a lot sweeter, kinder, prettier-inside, more carefree than i am today. whilst i've tried my damnedest not to be, i think i have become somewhat cynical, embittered by experience, lost in a big world, scarred and scared. all that punctuated by bursts of a lack of inhibition (not the same as carefree methinks) and some kind of sad happiness. but. but. i strive to be that girl again, wide-eyed and innocent, in love with everything and everyone, and unstoppable. with the benefit of the wisdom i have gained in this 32 year old life, of course.

now, now the war's over, i have the liberty to be whatever i want to be. whomever i want to be. i have the liberty to be the me that i desire, the me that i truly am. what i am, who can really know that (as kip dynamite says)...there are so many things that shape us. the obvious and unchangeable are our genetics and our experiences. these we have no control of. so too our desires. we can't really control them (and nor should they be harnessed) but i guess acknowledging them is a start to knowing thyself.

so, i wish for myself (upon the first star i see tonight) amongst many other things:: an ability to embrace abundant happiness; an almost (but not quite) overwhelming enthusiasm and energy for life, love and friendships; undying passion and commitment for my life's work/s, and patient tolerance for what simply must be done. i wish for myself the wisdom to know the best path for me, and an unwavering compassion and understanding for all. and most of all, the courage, resolution and determination to be whatever whoever wherever however i wanna be.

there is an angel in my midst. she is everything i remember myself to have been plus more. she has reminded me of myself. funny.
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